Saving Saskia
by Lilyana Rose cullen
Summary: Saskia is broken. A dark past and deep secrets she doesn't let anyone in. The family in town however just might convince her to open up and let her secrets go. But just as she starts to trust, her past comes back and it really wants to ruin her present. Especially as she's falling for the new guy who is so against everything she used to believe in. Warning: dark themes. M


A/N: new story yay. Let me know what you think :)

disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Stirling owns all.

Diary entry 1:

My name is Saskia. I hate my life

I just wanna note before I begin that this is not permanent. I am not a permanent kind of girl. When I get home and get a proper note book with tear out pages I will delete this. It will be gone forever, floating in the weird dimension of lost files and pixels. This is just to contain my feelings for now so I don't explode and my emotions don't hurl themselves at everyone around me. Namely my adoptive mom Laura , her husband and my little half brother.

Let me clear it up with a few facts :

1\. We are on holiday.

2\. It is meant to be the holiday of a lifetime (and it really deserves that title given the amount of money I've heard was spent on the hotels and first class flights)

3\. This holiday lasts for three weeks.

Now I'm sure you can see the problems a 18 year old girl with a low tolerance for family and a high level of sarcasm might have with these facts. I am away from home ( which is my sanctuary (most of the time when there's no fighting)). I am stuck for three weeks with my family who remind me constantly every time I am in a bad mood or upset that I should be happy and grateful for this holiday and that I am being a brat. This leads me on to number three: everyone would agree with them. Like I can't have a bad day and not be judged.

Diary entry 2:

So I guess I'm not deleting this. I'm on the plane on the way home. Each hour feels more hopeless. I'm going to have to deal with Kayla and Lottie and homework and gossipgossipgossip and boy talk and mind numbing ditzy airheads and teachers and classes and friends who I don't know would really be there for me if I needed them and waking up for school just gets harder and harder and I've had enough. I don't think I'm strong enough. God that sounds pathetic. I guess I should be focusing on the positives. Like how things with Lewis are great and I think I may be falling for him even though the thought scares me to hell. Like how at least if I'm at school I can get some distance from my family so we can have a more normal relationship where I come home in the evenings and am so glad to be there that I don't give a crap about everything else. Like how I'm realising that to survive the half a year I need to rely totally on myself. No one else. It's just me.

Thing is though on the outside I'm just a normal eighteen year old. No one can see the problem because to most people there isn't one. They're all too wrapped up in their own lives to help me at all. Positives are nice and calming but they can't reach you when your drowning in negatives. Which I consider to be fitting to my situation. Whatever, I sound slightly like a drama queen but if I can't make my life beautiful then I should be able to make my story beautiful.

Diary entry 3:

Just got in the car to go with Laura's ex husband (the man I called dad for the two years after the incident and haven't spoken to since) to his house. Turns out there's a change of plan. Laura and Paul and Aaron are going to a hotel near Colorado before they go home and I'm going home with Charlie. This may or may not have something to do with the hugely expensive bill Paul had to pay when I got caught accidentally setting fire to the bloody towels in the bathroom of the last hotel we stayed in. Oops. Bad me. Charlie's babbling on as usual about some new kids at school who I apparently have been assigned to show around. I zoned out after that but he doesn't seem to notice. Whatever. He didn't even bother to ask how the holiday was (shit by the way, I spent the entirety of it in my hotel room alternating between smoking out the window and cutting then lying to my oblivious adoptive mother about the smell and the long sleeves.) though I guess I can't blame him. He's not exactly good at communicating. I suppose this is meant to be punishment. Keeping me away from Aaron and all that. And yeah, while the separation from my only living almost relative will be painful and I'll worry about him every day, this is not the worst they've done. Not one bit. The worst they did was when they found out I lied about the murder after they asked me directly and that caused a whole load of shit. Not that I had a lot of control over it. I was a scared 14 year old and my loyalty was torn. Past tense. Now I'm on the crime fighting side and I'm never going to be scared again. Not ever.

A/N: please review and tell me what you thought :)


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